Failure

This is probably one of the most annoying words in any language. Annoying, depressing, tear-worthy. I have encountered it few times in my life and I wish I had not.

Admitting I have failed at something makes my stomach turn and my brain get angry. Simply because failing is my fault and no one else’s. I cannot put the blame on my teachers for getting a bad or mediocre grade. I cannot put the blame on supermarkets for me gaining weight.

Saying “I have failed” is tiring and infuriating, so much that whenever it happens, I get cranky the whole day, until I have interiorised my failure and I am ready to move on. Admitting my failures is a process that has to happen in order for me to have mental clarity and sanity.

If I were to find the root of the problem, I would go as back as primary school. I was not used to failing. I always had top grades and was considered a nerd. That went on during middle school, getting admitted to high school with the highest grade possible. High school, on the other hand, was a low blow. Teachers expect more than average and they are not willing to give you more than you worked for; sometimes they do not even give you that. Of course, my behaviour changed too: I started working harder and smarter. I understood what they wanted and tackled the skills I lacked.

Unfortunately, no matter how hard I worked, I sometimes failed. Usually, that happened in math (surprise…not). It has never been my strongest subject and it still is not. I have admitted that, despite my pride, and I moved forward, doing what I can.

Failing, or getting a mediocre grade, at math is not acceptable, but it is not catastrophic either. What hurts more is getting a mediocre grade in a subject I usually am one of the best at. Not getting the maximum in Italian or History or Philosophy stings for two reasons: firstly, because it hurts my pride, secondly because people have high expectations of me. This last part is something I am still struggling with.

Hearing my teacher say “I expected more from you” hurts more than them saying “You sucked at this”. In the last case, something must have definitely gone bad, where I could not have done anything to mend it. In the first case, it is all my fault, because I have set a certain standard that people, and also myself, are accustomed to and now expect.

Failure and expectations go hand in hand, especially because when I fail, there are always people who cheer. When you almost always are the best, people start rooting for you to fall. Had you been less stellar, your fall would not have made so much noise.

I guess failure itself is not so bad; everyone encounters it in their lives and it is normal and part of being human. What matters is how we deal with it and what we take from it. I believe in the “You win or you learn” motto. That is what life is all about: progressing and learning, which most often than not, are quite the same thing.

Thank you for reading.

xx

 

NYC Travel Diary

In March I went on a trip to New York City, which lasted about 9 days. This trip was the culminating event of a course I have been taking since November. This course is called National High School Model United Nations (NHSMUN). It is a branch of the Model United Nations (MUN), aimed at high school students.

The whole course lasted from November until February and it focused on diplomacy, diplomatic language, modern history, geopolitics and such. We then did a simulation in Rome, in a parliamentary room, where students from Central Italy came together to work as one.

Finally, we had to go to NYC to take part in the big simulation, which brought together students from all around the world. I was part of the Economic and Financial Committee (ECOFIN) and I was representing Mauritania, alongside a girl from another part of Italy.

Let’s get started with the trip.

We left on the 13th of March from Fiumicino Airport, in Rome. All of our flights were operated by Iberia, so naturally we had layovers in Madrid.

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Waiting at the airport. Luckily, there was a student who could play the piano and he made time pass faster.

The flight from Rome to Madrid lasted 3 hours and was uneventful. There we had about an hour layover, but since the gate was pretty far, we had to run there to catch our flight. The next 9 hours, strangely enough, passed quickly. I saw the film “Arrival”, which was neat.

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Finally, we arrived in NYC at about 7pm. It was quite late, I had no internet on my phone, thinking that I could catch some wifi. That did not happen. It was very very cold as we waited for the car which would take us to the hotel.

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Tired.

We finally arrived at our hotel, Hilton Midtown. It is a very nice hotel and the room was cute, once you figured out how the heating worked. The elevators were also quite a challenge. IMG_7058

We were 4 girls in the room and let me tell you, it was such a mess that the cleaning lady refused to clean it. That was quite a hint.

That night we went out for McDonald’s in Times Square. It was so so cold that it started lightly snowing. We got back towards midnight and then we went straight to sleep, too tired to function.

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The next day, on the 14th, we were faced with Snow Storm Sally. At the beginning it was cute and new, but then we had to face the cold and the metres of snow. We had breakfast at Joe & the Juice, near our hotel, where I had a protein smoothie. IMG_4380

We then tried to go to the Museum of Natural History, which was closed. I was on the verge of a nervous crisis as we walked through Central Park, in the snow storm, with our guide who was not a good enough guide and did not know where she was going. Fortunately, I made a new friend who I am still on touch with and we took a taxi back to the hotel, instead of walking.

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I was so cold I felt like crying. We ended up just staying in the hotel for the rest of the day, since it was so cold.

On the next day, we actually started working. But before that, we finally visited the museum! As always, we had to hurry to make it in time for the Opening Ceremony, so we only had an hour. A friend of mine and I managed to visit almost everything.

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After this, we got dressed up and we attended the Opening Ceremony, after attending a couple of briefings on the rules of procedure and such.

The 16th was the most intense work day, since we had to attend 2 sessions in the afternoon, while in the morning we attended a conference. That evening most people went to the Empire State Building, but I was not feeling well and remained in my room.

The next day we attended our last two sessions and we were finally free to go. We visited the Museum of Modern Art (MOMA), that was close to our hotel.

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That night we also attended the Delegate Dance, but I only stayed and danced for a bit, since my feet were killing me, having worn heels all day.

The next morning we left for the UN Headquarters and we attended the Closing Ceremonies. It was nice, being seated in the front row, and watching people make their speeches.

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In the afternoon we visited the Guggenheim Museum. I liked the way it was structured on more floors and how there were little to no stairs.

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On the next day we went to visit the Statue of Liberty, Ellis Island and then the Brooklyn Bridge. We had to walk quite a lot to get to the subway station, since there was a marathon going on.

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Before going to the Brooklyn Bridge, we visited Wall Street, where I was excited to see the statue of the Fearless Girl.

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After that, we visited the 9/11 Memorial. It felt surreal. All the names written there really gave it a spectral atmosphere, and despite there being hundreds of people, it was silent.

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Finally, we arrived at the Brooklyn Bridge, and we walked all the way to Brooklyn. It was tiring, but it was most definitely worth it.

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On the 21st of March we left. Unfortunately, our layover in Madrid lasted 6 hours and I fell asleep on the table. I was exhausted, both mentally and physically. We finally got home on the 22nd.

What I left out of all this diary entry, so to say, was a very deep emotional experience which saw its beginning and end in the same week, only to leave me heartbroken, then mend my heart and then break it again a couple of days ago. But this experience would not have been the same without my heart experiencing a whole array of emotions, from love to panic.

Thank you for reading.

xx

Tiger Mini Haul

I must say that a couple of months ago I made the most amazing discovery. While I was walking the streets of Rome, and more specifically Piazza Venezia, my friend and I entered a store, which turned out to be heaven.

This store is called Tiger, or Flying Tiger, depending on where you live. It is a variety store which provides very low cost items, but they do not adopt the .99 method, which means that their prices are whole.

They have everything, from kitchen supplies and particular spices to notebooks and iPhone cases. They have anything you can wish for. I fell in love and I am not exaggerating. Their only flaw is that they do not offer online shopping, which is pretty sad, since I would have raided the whole store months ago. One more particularity is that they switch their merchandise quite often, so if you want to buy something in bulk, you should.

Let us get going with this haul.

I am basically obsessed with notebooks and agendas, sue me. Therefore, this was the perfect occasion to splurge, but not too much.

I bought a beautiful black notebook, which has brown paper inside. It cost me €2 and I use it as an almost daily diary, in which I write my thoughts and feelings. I also talked about it here.

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I then got a big powder blue agenda, which I still have to find a use for. I cost a bit more, I believe €6, but it was worth it. I unfortunately dirtied it with some chocolate, something I hated myself for, but it is still beautiful. This, unlike the previous one, has blank paper on the inside.

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Next up, I bought a tiny glittery pink notebook, which I also have to find a use for. It was €1 and I could not resist its prettiness.

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I hope you understand me now.

I then got 2 photo albums, and I honestly regret not getting more, since they do not carry them anymore. I do, however, hope that they will bring them back, since they were the perfect size for my photos. They cost €5 each.

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You guys remember this, right?

Last but not least, I got the cutest keychain ever, inspired by the Fendi ones. There were many colours, but I liked this one the best and I believe it was €3.

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I also posted it, along with my nails, on Instagram a couple of days ago.

I hope that you liked this mini haul and thank you for reading.

xx

Focus

I have thought long and hard about making this post, since it is mostly an impulsive one, based on recent events in my personal life.

The word “focus” seems very hard to materialise in our lives, especially nowadays, since everybody seems to lose said “focus” of what they truly want in life. What I mean by that word is complete and utter determination to achieve a certain goal. It is up there with other words like “ambition” and “drive”. It is something that you create and you work with. I do tend to judge people by how these three entities manifest in their lives and I admire people who have the same goal-driven mind like me.

The problem arises when this focus has to be shared by various aspects of one’s life. For example, I am the kind of person completely focused on school and on a future career, so when something else comes into my life, like a possible love interest, my focus unfortunately shifts. I say “unfortunately” because I have noticed, every single time that has happened, that when my focus has to be shared by more than one aspect of my life, the initial goal loses importance. I lose focus of school and my grades go slightly down. I lose focus of keeping myself happy and I start focusing on keeping the other person pleased, which is not how things should be.

I would love to be the kind of woman who can manage all aspects of her life impeccably, but I am not, at least not right now, not at this age. The ability lo balance various aspects of life comes with age and experience, which means that for now, I will have to settle and keep my focus on one single goal.

I have seen the same thing happen to friends of mine, in slightly more drastic ways, such as being almost left behind in school. On a good note, that has not happened to me and it never will, since I will make sure it will not.

The whole purpose of this post, besides trying to bring comfort to other people who might feel the same as me, is to also keep me accountable, to make sure that I do not make the same mistakes and that I do not lose sight, that I do not lose focus of what I truly want in life.

If you ask me, I must quote Beyoncé : “Make sure you have your own life before becoming someone’s wife”. Yes, this might take it to the extreme, but if, for a relationship, you have to let go of your goals, then let me tell you it is not worth it, since your career is the only certainty in this hungry and fast world. Your work, your grind, your hustle, whatever you want to call it, should be the main focus, and once you have that checked, then you can share your focus with whatever else may please you. But for now, I need to get back in my lane, the fast one.

Thank you for reading.

xx

 

Back to School Haul – 2016

I am starting my last year of high school on the 15th of September and I could not be more ready and excited. I cannot wait to start and really give my all to end my high school experience with a bang. I am really motivated because last year was probably the first year I really put in effort to get high grades and it all payed out in the end, since I finished with the highest overall grade in the whole class, tied with a classmate of mine.

I am the kind of person that gets mainly good results even if they do not put in 100%, but that is going to change this year. I want to dominate and never miss a beat. Of course, I decided to stock up on some items I will need this year.

I discovered this new store called Tiger, or Flying Tiger, that originated in Denmark and can now be found in other European countries, like Italy. Their deal is that they have very low priced items, from kitchen utensils to notebooks, and their prices are not in the .99 format, instead they are whole. The only thing I am saddened by is that they do not sell online.

I decided to get a very nice notebook from them, which will serve me more like an agenda, on which I will write sporadical thought and quotes. It cost €2 and it is black with brownish paper. I am in love.

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I then bought, from a stationery store near me, a fountain pen, with which I am writing in the notebook above. It is made in Germany by Schneider and it is not that fancy, but it does its job. I use black ink. Random fact : I learned how to write with this kind of pen when I was in first grade, since it was mandatory.

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I then bought a school agenda from a brand called No Name; excuse the oxymoron. It is all black and very basic, with no designs on it. I find neutral notes very calming, and I need that at school.

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I also got a rechargeable eraser, for when I mess up my notes. It is by Faber-Castell and it looks very professional. It also has a protection silicone cap that slides.

I then bought a four-highlighter pack from Stabilo, called Swing Cool. I do not think that I will use the fuchsia one, since I cannot concentrate when notes or pages are highlighted in that colour, but I will thoroughly use the other three, especially the blue one, since it is the one that calms me the most when I am studying a difficult subject.

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Also from Stabilo, I bought a set of 20 point 88 coloured pens, which I will use to take pretty and well organised notes. I tend to write everything in black ink, but this will help with visual memory. I will bring the whole pack with me at school.

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Last but not least, I bought a new pencil case from Eastpak, the brand that my backpack is from. I also got it in black, the same colour as said backpack. It is very simple and practical and it holds everything I need, especially the tape that everybody needs from me at all times, do not ask why.

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That is about it. I only need to get my textbooks now, and then the school year can start. I hope that this year will be a great and productive one for everybody and that you will surmount every obstacle.

Thank you for reading.

xx

Motivation

So this is a very touchy topic. Wether we are talking about work, fitness or social life, we all need some motivation every once in a while. And that motivation rarely comes from outside sources.

I have struggled and I still struggle with being motivated. For example, I know that I could do so so much better in school if I just were more motivated to work hard. But somehow, I give myself reasons to not be motivated and then I get frustrated with myself. It all turns into a vicious circle. The key out of that circle is finding something, an idea, a goal, to cling onto; every time you think of that goal you should get motivated. For me, it’s getting a job that will pay well enough to allow my parents to stop working and live peacefully and debt-free. That is obviously a long term goal, but every great action is built by small habits.

As far as fitness and healthy-living goes, I get very motivated when I watch youtube videos of Crossfit, for example, because that’s what I aspire to do. I also get an adrenaline rush and I crave to go to the gym as soon as I see the Fitness section on Pinterest. I believe that that social network is extremely helpful when it comes to motivating and lifting people up. That, and fashion and beauty, are the only sections I am really interested in on Pinterest, sine I am not much of a DIY kind of person. If you want to follow me, this is the link.

So, as far as tips go, here are my 3 tips :

  • find a goal, wether it is short or long term, it does not matter, just find something to strive towards; it can be next week’s test, a possible promotion or another two pounds off
  • be that person who everyone classifies as a hard worker, someone who is obsessed. This is tightly linked to the tip above : you first set a goal and then you become obsessed with it, just like the MMA fighter, Conor McGregor (follow him, he’s amazing and confident). These two below might just be my favourite quotes of all time.

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“There’s no talent here, this is hard work. This is an obsession. Talent does not exist, we are all equal as human beings. You could be anyone if you put in the time. You will reach the top, and that [is] that. I am not talented, I am obsessed.”

  • find inspiration, wether it comes from the inside, from people you know or from websites, you should find role models and people who are above you on the ladder of success and you should not look at them with envy, but with admiration and ambition to surpass them.
    That is all I could come up with : very simple and straight to the point.

Stay obsessed.

xx

September, you bastard

So the school year just started…

My relationship with school has never been ideal, but I have managed to maintain a mediocre to high profile through my three years of high school up until now. This year has started with a bang, and it wasn’t necessarily a good bang. We (and by that I mean the whole classroom) didn’t give a good first impression to the professors, so that set us back. But the second week just started and we’re doing better.

I study at a Scientific high school, which means we focus a lot on math, physics, biology, chemistry, philosophy, latin (most hated subject in the existence of human kind) and many other. We are the third highest classified school in the region (or so I’ve heard), which means that we have standards to keep up. And that’s very stressful, so stressful that some students want to quit, thinking that it is too much too soon.

I do not agree. We are in your second to last year of school and we have to EARN our diploma, it shouldn’t be given to us and if that means studying 3 hours every afternoon and drinking 4 cups of coffee, then so be it.

Other than that, I will do a post on school fashion and makeup and then a travel post where I will publish pictures of my visit to the Vatican with my best friend, yesterday. It was quite an…eventful day.

XX